Elric vs Cullen
by ScrollPirate
Summary: Maes Hughes and Seth Clearwater host the official Elric vs. Cullen battle!  Each gets to choose one partner to help them battle:  one of three already selected people.  Just who wins?  Edward or... Edward?  Rated T for swearing.


Fullmetal Alchemist and Twilight: Elric vs. Cullen  
>By: Nikki Kino<p>

Epic Edward Battle  
>With Maes Hughes and Seth Clearwater<p>

Edward Elric's long blond hair was pulled back into its tell-tale braid and his deep golden eyes glared across the room at his nemesis... Edward Cullen. Elric looked to his left to see his partner in this battle. It wasn't his brother, it wasn't a friend, hell, it wasn't even the damn Flame Colonal. It was a purple haired, black winged, smug smiling art thief: Dark Mousey. Just looking at the guy, Elric knew he could fight. He just didn't know how well, or if he even could fight adequately alongside him. From the look of his enemy, he would do anything for his brother to be there next to him, fighting as a team. As if on cue, he heard Alphonse call down to him.

"You can do it brother! Kick his butt!"

"DO IT ED! BEAT HIM TO A BLOODY PULP!" Winry's voice accompanied his brothers. He knew that Mustang and his crew were up their watching as well. One voice annoyed him the most... mostly because of what it said. He heard Granny Pinako call out,

"IF YOU DIE I'M TAKING YOUR STUFF!"

Elric sighed and rolled his eyes. As if he was going to lose.

"Edward?" Dark asked with a grin.

"Yeah," the blond asked, cocking his eyebrow at his partner.

"Game plan... lets fight together as a team for the first few minutes to get a handle on the type of attacks these guys use then split up and fight 'em individually. That work for you?"

"Sure, but I think I'd like to fight the smug bastard across from us."

"YOU CAN DEFEAT HIM EDWARD! DON'T LET THE PIP-SQUEAK WIN!" Bella Swan screamed out over the crowd to her 'dearest love'. Elric twitched sharply and a large red anger mark popped out on his upper forehead.

"WHO YOU CALLING A PIP-SQUEAK! I'LL RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT!"

Dark rolled his eyes. "How do you expect to win if you let the outside forces get to you?"

"Easy for you to say," Elric sneered. "You have girls calling you sexier than that Cullen dude. You're ego is nicely pampered."

"Oh, and what would flex your ego. Hearing someone say that you're hotter than me?"

"Pff, I don't care about that stuff. Just delivering a punch to the face of that asshole. You know, he's got that same damn smug look that you and the Colonal have."

"Yeah, that would be the "Yeah, we know we're sexy" look. I'm so sorry that you've never experienced the satisfaction of having one."

"Screw you."

The two were cut off from their conversation as a microphone sang a high pitch, but not ear-shattering high. Two men walked out onto a raised platform above the fighting arena.

"Helllllooooooo fighters and onlookers alike! My name is Maes Hughes!"

"And my name is Seth Clearwater! Welcome to the epic battle between Edward Elric and Edward Cullen! Each Edward recieved the choice to choose between three different people to join them in this battle. Edward Cullen had the choice of Sam Uley, Alucard, and Jacob Black. Seeing as how he and Sam aren't on great terms, and Alucard faced to outclass him in every way possible-"

"-LIES! TERRIBLE LIES!" A pasty white, pathetic-looking girl wearing a Team Edward shirt with the Twilight logo on the back viciously interrupted. She sent a death glare to Seth that rivalled Colonal Roy Mustang's when facing Envy after learning the truth about his best friend's demise.

"-so his choice was my leader, Jacob Black!" Loud catcalls from the girls and hoot-calls from the guys called out from the Team Twilight side. Seth sat back, leaving the mic space open for his fellow commentator. Maes leaned forward with a grin.

"And Edward Elric had the choice between fighting alongside Alex Armstrong, Fai Flouright, and Dark Mousey! Afraid of a sparkle war between Armstrong and Cullen, and not sure whether Fai had the right mindset to actually fight instead of prancing off like a pony on a good acid trip, he chose Dark Mousey – the mysterious, high-flying art thief."

"HELL YES! YOU CAN STEAL MY HEART ANYTIME DARK!"

"I LOVE YOU DARK! 3 WILL YOU MARRY ME!" Dark grinned and nodded his head at the ladies throwing hearts, bras, love notes, and holding signs.

"Playboy."

"Oh come on Ed, you're just jealous!"

"Yeah. Right. Terribly jealous."

"Okay, so maybe you're not… but there's nothing wrong with being a playboy. You should try it. You just might like it."

"So now, on the left we have The Twi-Team! On the right we have the Dark Elric Team!" Maes announced. Elric's face scrunched up.

"Dark… Elric? That makes me sound evil."

Seth continued the commentating. "Both sides get ready!"

Maes and Seth together announced, "And… FIGHT!"

Elric lunged at Cullen. Dark jumped up and flew up above both Edwards and defended Elric from Jacob Black.

"And now the games really begin! Cullen swipes at Elric, Elric pulls back and swings around and uses alchemy to turn his arm into a steel weapon! Oooh… that looked painful!" Maes cut off as Elric p0wned Cullen in the face with his arm causing a loud as hell crack to resound around the arena.

"And would you look at that! Dark flies up above the competition and drops down quickly, confusing Jacob as he turns into a wolf. MIGHT I REMIND THE COMPETITORS! NO KILLING!"

Elric and Cullen backed off, only slightly, but continued the battle. Cullen flipped above Elric's head and landed behind him. Reaching out to grab his arm, Elric slipped right out of reach by dropping quickly to the ground. He rolled out of the way in time to avoid getting a hit to his side. Dark flew outside of range, but enough to be a nuisance to Jacob and keep said wolf out of Edward's business.

"So much for game plan!" Dark called out over the voices of the crowd.

"Shut up! I'm busy!"

"NICE MOVE BY DARK!" Seth cried out as Dark swooped in and caught Jacob by his tail, and flipped him on his back.

"Good puppy," Dark mocked the wolf. Swooping up he flew up to the stands, reached out for Rosalie's hand and kissed it. "Hello there beautiful. I noticed you're enjoying the show. I take it you don't like dogs?" She gave a smug grin and tugged her hand from his.

"And you're just barking up the wrong tree." Emmett started laughing. Dark's eyes twinkled as he laughed and swooped back down in an elegant dive to join the fight.

"Well, there's a good man! Charming women while still fighting! Speaking of women, my wife is the most beautiful creature on the face of the planet! She's just as beautiful as a love goddess! Imagine the most beautiful person in the world, times that beauty by a hundred and you might just get my wife!"

"That's awesome Mr. Hughes!" Seth replied. "I wish I could find a girl... oh hey look! Elric just got Cullen good! Punched him in the gut so hard it may have caused damage to his metal arm."

"YOU HAD BETTER NOT BREAK THAT AUTOMAIL! I'LL KILL YOU! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I WORKED ON THAT!" A wrench flew out of nowhere and nearly hit Elric in the head, but he ducked and it flew straight into Cullen's face. He was momentarily grounded.

"Um... are you okay?" Elric asked Cullen.

"Yes... I think. Thanks for your concern."

"I wasn't concerned!"

"I can read your mind."

"Asshole."

"Your thoughts were worse than just asshole."

"I try to sensor myself."

"I believe you."

"The Edwards are now having a pleasant conversation! What is this? This is supposed to be a battle!" Seth yelled.

"Quit being lazy, Ed!" Winry cried. "Get off your ass and beat him!"

"Come on Fullmetal, you can do better than this!" Roy Mustang laughed down at him.

"OH SHUT UP YOU DAMN COLONEL!"

"A good soldier knows when someone is taunting him and doesn't let it distract him!"

"...SHUT UP!"

Seth and Maes continued the commentating with various talk of Wolf Packs, and Gracia and Elysia. A full two and a half hours later the battle finally came to a stunning conclusion.

"Whoa!" Dark cried as Jacob pinned him down underneath his mammoth form.

/I got him, Cullen./ Jacob thought.

"I got'cha. I've got Elric," Cullen replied.

A quick, kick at Edward's metal leg hand him down on the ground and Cullen snapped Elric's Metal arm off.

"NO!" Winry screamed. "YOU BASTARD! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" Wrenches flew out of nowhere again and after five hits, Cullen grabbed Elric and used him as a shield, effectively defeating Elric... despite his major injuries from the wrenches that hit him. He threw Elric to the ground and pinned him.

"Wow! Just wow! Did Elric just get defeated by the audience?" Seth asked.

"Well... technically it was Cullen's thinking, otherwise it would have been Cullen. That Winry is pretty handy in a fight."

"Too bad Bella can't help out like that..." Seth whispered under his breath. Bella flashed a look at the crowd that said 'Huh? I'm the pathetic, wimpy character that you all have to love! Kind of like Kagome from Inuyasha... and almost as annoying!'

"ALRIGHT!" Maes announced. "IT'S BEEN A FULL MINUTE SINCE BOTH EDWARD ELRIC AND DARK MOUSEY WERE PINNED! WE OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCE-"

"-THE WINNER OF THIS ELRIC VS. CULLEN COMPETITION-" Seth continued.

"-AS EDWARD CULLEN AND JACOB BLACK!" They both finished.

The entire Twilight side freaked like Monkey's on crack.

"WE LOVE YOU EDWARD! YOU'RE SO SEXY!" And many other such messages were screamed out to the winning duo. Cullen helped Elric to his feet and Jacob galloped off to a hidden corner to transform and get dressed.

Winry jumped off the ledge and flew into Edward Cullen's face. "YOU BASTARD!"

"Don't worry Winry!" Maes and Seth called over the mics. Seth continued. "The winnings to the competition go to Ms. Winry Rockbell!" Winry looked around.

"Huh? Why?"

"To keep Bella from trying to kill you for killing the 'dearest love of her life'.

The entire Fullmetal side flipped out in screaming, wooting, and many cat-calls.

Nikki giggled as she typed madly. Edward Elric walked up to her.

"Hey Nik."

"Hello Elric..." Nikki burst into another fit of giggles.

"Elric? Since when do you call me that? You usually call me Dude."

"I usually call everyone Dude."

"Yeah... you're giggling like a mad-man."

"That's something new?" Edward shrugged.

"True." He turned to walk away when he heard Nikki finish typing away with a swift click. The moment she did that he heard the printer going. As it was closer to him he walked over to the printer.

"Um... you may not wanna... actually, go for it. Can you bring me those papers I'm printing off, dude?"

"Sure." Edward grabbed them once they finished printing out and began to scan them. "What the-?" Nikki burst into giggles that seemed to trail away as he finished reading.

"YOU DID NOT JUST MAKE ME LOSE TO THAT SPARKLY, FAIRY-LIKE VAMPIRE WANNABE! NIKKI KINO! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!"

"MWA HA HA HA! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!"

* * *

><p>Also on DeviantART: The-DA-Ranger-Group ~The Vic Mignogna Fan Club~<p>

I got Storm137 as my secret ranger. I really hope you like this! I tried my best (honestly didn't take a long time writing it, so it may lack some luster) but I really tried.

~Storm137  
>I'd love a fict where Ed and Dark fought Edward Cullen and Jacob Black. (And have them win.) ^^ Please? With sugar on top?<br>Or if you hate Twilight then a picture or fict of Ciel and my OC Holly from Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) please.

~First off, I guess I could have gone with your second choice, because I have seen Black Butler, and have read Fullmetal Alchemist, and Twilight. So I could have done one or the other... but I would have needed to ask you detailed stuff about your OC before writing it - because I'd have wanted to get it perfect (I'm kind of like that...), and that would have given me away as your "Secret Ranger". So I decided to go with the first one.

~Secondly... I was a little confused at what you meant by (have them win). I didn't know if it meant Vic's Characters, or Twilight Dudes. So, to make it fun, I decided to have the guys I absolutely detest the MOST... to win. Yes... that's right... Edward Cullen and Jacob Black.  
>But it was fun to write! Since I decided that Meyer's creations were going to win, then Vic's voices were going to be the center-point of the story – specifically Edward's! I really hope you liked it. I have a problem with procrastination so I hope this at least met your expectations.<p> 


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